Spambots and The Secret Life of Pets

What Are Spambots

We all know em. We all hate em, spambots. "A spambot is a computer program designed to assist in the sending of spam. Spambots usually create accounts and send spam messages with them. Web hosts and website operators have responded by banning spammers, leading to an ongoing struggle between them and spammers in which spammers find new ways to evade the bans and anti-spam programs, and hosts counteract these methods." is the official Wikipedia term for em and well, they kind of hit the mark on that one.

 

Spambots and Pets

Evidently, spambots in their ever so expanding AI are now trying to appear more "human". They will refer to you or a dear family member, in the first name. I mean, if its addressed so casually then it MUST be a friend and totally not a cold calculating series of code with the intent to swindle, advertise or fish personal data right?

WELL NOW, do I have a story for you! Apparently, a spam bot emailed a member of the Jar family, Hector, with a business proposition. Problem is, Hector is in fact the name of Bills and Marias pet dog. Yes, you read right, a dog received an email about a job interview. Once more dogs prove their superiority to humans, simply because most people try their hardest to get a job interview, while a dog just has to do absolutely NOTHING and still get offers to work.

I am totally not butt hurt about the injustice of this, YOU are.

Don't believe me? Well then, here is the official screenshot. (Certain areas were erased for privacy purposes)

Actual e-mail Maria received

The Reply

Much to our surprise, we actually caught Hector typing a reply. After consulting with Bill, Maria and Hector's legal team, I have acquired the license to provide a transcript of the e-mail, for you, my loyal viewers. So lets get to it.

"Dear Hooman

My weekend was fine, thank you very much for asking. However it is with the deep and sincere regret that I must inform you that I will not be able to take up the collaboration job. I understand that now, in this the most dire period for humanity the monetary assistance that I can provide to my humans would be invaluable. However, even among this most dire of epidemics, with disease, death and despair hovering like a nightmarish specter above your species I feel that it is my solemn duty, nay, my solemn vow, to assist my humans in any way that this most humble canine can provide. True, my humans may starve. And true, my humans may succumb to illness and perish, and true, the neighborhood birds are, indeed, major scoundrels, but what is my purpose if not to safeguard them? Should I accept your most gracious offer, what would become of them? Would they not be driven to despair? Would not, madness and insanity most foul befall them? You have not seen them through my eyes. Verily, without me to support them they will truly be lost. Is it not I that brings them together, when I feign indignity towards food and they both most be present to ensure I consume my food? I am their only lifeline to sanity, and I shall provide them with fur to stroke, an apt supply of fertilizer for their garden and off course, make sure that the god damn birds of the neighborhood do not conduct their foul business near their estate.

Yours.
Hector Beronimus Nathaniel Fren. "

Always checks his e-mails like a proper business dog

Final Thoughts

Well now, we understand that Hector has achieved world fame with his Hector Protocol, but it seems that now, he will have plenty of time to answer spam bots and any other suggestions.

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